🎧 Healing Audio Library

Use these soundscapes for emotional regulation, nervous system grounding, and trauma integration. Click play and let your healing begin.

Calm Background Ambient

Gentle atmospheric background—ideal for grounding, journaling, or CPTSD self-regulation.

Healing Meditation

Perfect for deep breathing, inner child work, or background audio for reflection prompts.

Soft Ambient Loop

Looping soft piano tones that support focus and safety while reading or writing.

Peaceful Ambient Space

Floaty, space-inspired ambient track—great for disassociation recovery or body-awareness work.

Emotional Recovery Tones

Piano and synth combo that gently moves emotion—ideal for evening posts or heart-heavy moments.

🌀 All music is royalty-free via Pixabay Music.

Thursday, July 17, 2025

The Bonfire That Never Burns

Post 20 – The Bonfire That Never Burns

There’s a pile on his mother’s land — a growing, rotting mass of broken furniture, old trash, and forgotten objects. They call it a “bonfire pile.” But it’s never burned. Not once. Not in years.

It sits just beyond the only cleared patch of grass. The rest of the property is covered in trees, water, and shadows. But this pile… it grows, undisturbed. Unclaimed. Unchecked.

During a fight years ago, Jeff made a joke — one of those jokes that isn’t a joke — about having access to a backhoe and how easy it would be to hide a body. I remember feeling that lurch in my gut, but I played along to keep things safe. The second I joked back? He stopped smiling.

There was something in his eyes — something that told me I had gotten too close to something real.

After that, he started repeating it. The “joke.” The threats wrapped in laughter. He’d say things like “You think anyone would even look out here?” or “It’s just a bonfire pile, don’t be paranoid.”

But I wasn’t paranoid. I was alert. My body knew. My survival instinct was activated.

And when I went back — years later — it was still there. Bigger. Wetter. Moldier. Still unburned.

It’s a monument now. A monument to the things he hides. The things he never takes responsibility for. The things he jokes about — until you call him on it.

And the land… holds it. Quietly. Like it’s keeping a secret no one dares to ask about.


Tactics Breakdown – Symbolic Threats and Power Plays

  • “Joking” About Violence: Used humor to normalize the idea of disposal, harm, and untraceable actions
  • Testing Reactions: Watched my response closely — once I matched his tone, he withdrew, signaling a deeper intent
  • Environmental Intimidation: Isolated rural setting used to suggest invisibility, control, and fear
  • Symbolic Messaging: The growing unburned pile functions as an unspoken reminder — things disappear here
  • Psychological Entrapment: Reinforced the idea that no one would hear me, believe me, or save me

Trust Your Body — Even When They Say You’re Crazy

If a pile of trash makes your skin crawl — believe yourself. If someone jokes about death like it’s casual — listen to the chill in your bones. These are not overreactions. These are informed instincts.

Predators rarely threaten directly. They leave breadcrumbs, symbols, and “jokes” that only sound dark if you’re the one living it.

And survivors… we’ve learned to decode what’s hidden in plain sight.


📞 National Domestic Violence Hotline
Call: 800-799-SAFE (7233)
Chat: www.thehotline.org
24/7 | Confidential | Free

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