🎧 Healing Audio Library

Use these soundscapes for emotional regulation, nervous system grounding, and trauma integration. Click play and let your healing begin.

Calm Background Ambient

Gentle atmospheric background—ideal for grounding, journaling, or CPTSD self-regulation.

Healing Meditation

Perfect for deep breathing, inner child work, or background audio for reflection prompts.

Soft Ambient Loop

Looping soft piano tones that support focus and safety while reading or writing.

Peaceful Ambient Space

Floaty, space-inspired ambient track—great for disassociation recovery or body-awareness work.

Emotional Recovery Tones

Piano and synth combo that gently moves emotion—ideal for evening posts or heart-heavy moments.

🌀 All music is royalty-free via Pixabay Music.

Thursday, July 17, 2025

The Chocolate and the Shame – Weaponizing Insecurity

The Chocolate and the Shame – Weaponizing Insecurity

He knew I was struggling. I’d just had our daughter. My body had changed. I was vulnerable, postpartum, exhausted, and still healing. And that’s when he decided to make a performance out of my shame.

He brought chocolate syrup into the bedroom—not as a gesture of sweetness or play—but as a prop for degradation. He poured it over my body while filming, making crude comments about my weight, laughing as it dripped over my stomach and thighs. He turned my postpartum body into a punchline. A stage. A fetish I never agreed to.

"Smile for the Camera, Piggy"

He told me it was just a kink. That it was sexy. That I should be proud of being desired. But I wasn’t desired—I was dehumanized. He pushed the narrative that I loved it, that I was into it, that this was me finally "letting go." But I wasn’t letting go. I was dissociating.

There were no safe words. No check-ins. No aftercare. Just more jokes, more filming, more control. If I expressed discomfort, I was met with:

"You always ruin everything." "You’re so insecure—it’s not my fault you’re soft now." "You’re lucky I still want you."

What the Camera Didn’t Show

The world only saw the chocolate. The laughter. The kink. But here’s what the camera didn’t show:

  • Me crying in the shower afterward, scrubbing my body raw
  • Me standing in front of the mirror, grabbing at my skin like it was the enemy
  • Me thinking maybe if I lost the weight, the humiliation would stop

It didn’t. Because the weight wasn’t the problem. His control was.

Fetish or Fantasy? Coercion in Disguise

This wasn’t mutual kink. This was weaponized insecurity. He picked the moment I was most fragile—postpartum, bleeding, tender—and turned it into a performance for his control and pleasure.

He rewrote my body story while I was still healing from birth. And then he made me the villain when I flinched or froze.

“You liked it last time.”

No. I survived it last time.


Tactics Breakdown – What He Did and How

  • Humiliation Fetish Coercion: Pushed degrading acts disguised as sexual freedom
  • Postpartum Exploitation: Targeted me during a vulnerable recovery phase to deepen psychological control
  • Filmed as Evidence: Used video to rewrite the story of abuse as consensual kink
  • Shame Looping: Weaponized my body image to make me believe I deserved the degradation

You’re Not the Joke

If you’ve ever felt humiliated instead of loved—if your body was made into a stage for someone else’s power—you’re not alone. You are not the punchline. You are the survivor.


📞 National Domestic Violence Hotline
Call: 800-799-SAFE (7233)
Chat: www.thehotline.org
24/7 | Confidential | Free

No comments:

Post a Comment

Quotes That Carried Me Through the Fire (And Might Break Chains for You Too)

Sometimes, healing doesn’t start with a breakthrough—it starts with a sentence. These are the quotes I clung to when everything else felt ho...