Post 23 – After the Microwave
After I hurled the microwave, the entire room went silent. It had been instinct. Not calculation. My ears were ringing. My body was shaking. I didn’t even know if I had really hit him—only that I’d finally created distance.
Jeff stood there, stunned. Then, in true fashion, he turned it all around. “You attacked me.” He lifted his shirt. “Look at my back!”
There were marks, yes. But he didn’t mention the floor burns on my back from when he pinned me down. He didn’t mention the bruises on my face. Or that I had almost lost consciousness before I flipped him off me.
He left for a bit, but not long enough. I locked the door, paced the kitchen, checked on Esther—who had thankfully been asleep during the chaos. And then, I waited for the guilt wave to hit.
That’s how the cycle always ended: he attacked, I defended, he flipped the story, and I questioned my reality.
Rewriting the Ending – In My Own Words
But this time something stayed different. I didn’t apologize. I didn’t comfort him. I didn’t let the shame eat me. I had seen the light—literally—when I flipped him off me, and I couldn’t unsee it.
Later that week, I left. And even though I didn’t stay gone long... I now see this moment as the beginning of the end.
I finally fought back. And that meant something. It meant everything.
Tactics Breakdown – The Aftermath Twist
- Blame Shift: Claimed injury from being stopped, despite initiating violence
- Shame Spiral: Attempted to trigger guilt in the victim to regain emotional control
- Minimization: Ignored signs of head trauma and physical damage inflicted on the victim
- Trauma Loop: Relied on the conditioned “guilt phase” of the abuse cycle
If You're There Right Now
You are not the problem for defending yourself. You are not abusive for saying “enough.”
You didn’t break the cycle. You disrupted the control. And that is the beginning of everything.
📞 National Domestic Violence Hotline
Call: 800-799-SAFE (7233)
Chat: www.thehotline.org
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