Post 22 – The Moment I Flipped Him Off Me
I still remember the feel of the floor—cold tile beneath my back, Jeff’s weight pressing me down, his fists pounding, my head bouncing off the ground. I wasn’t even screaming. I was going silent. Fading. Checking out.
But then something happened. Something I still struggle to explain.
A light—golden-white, almost glowing—rose up from the base of my spine. I felt it swirl through my stomach, up my chest, into my skull. It wasn’t just adrenaline. It was... clarity. Fire. A soul remembering itself mid-assault.
I flipped him off me. One second he was on top of me, hitting me. The next, I had my foot in his back and his face was toward the floor.
He looked back and said, “Do it.” Like he expected me to end him right there.
I stared at him. Heart pounding. That same light in my head. “Give me a reason,” I said. And I meant it.
He answered, “I’m dead anyway.”
I pulled my foot off his back and went to the kitchen to breathe. He followed me. Came at me again. So I grabbed the first thing I saw—an industrial microwave—and hurled it at his back as he turned.
He later claimed I scratched him. Said I assaulted him. What he didn’t say is that I was bleeding. That he had bashed my head into the floor. That I came back from near-unconsciousness just to save my own life.
Tactics Breakdown – When Control Slips
- Escalation to Lethality: Head trauma through repeated blunt impact
- Blame Flipping: Accused victim of assault after being overpowered
- Predator Collapse: Shifted from aggressor to victim after losing power
- Gaslighting: Omitted the initial violence when later retelling the story
- Dissociation Trigger: Targeted areas of the body known to trigger collapse
This Was a Turning Point
I didn’t just flip him physically. I broke something in the dynamic that day. He never looked at me the same. He knew I wasn’t fully under control anymore.
This post isn’t about strength in the way people imagine it. It’s about survival strength. Trauma-strength. The kind that surfaces in the moments you think you’ve already died.
If this has happened to you: you are not crazy. You are not violent. You survived.
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